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Lily Tomlin quotes (36)

Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

For fast-acting relief try slowing down.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin   Category: Funny

I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
Lily Tomlin   Category: Funny

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
Lily Tomlin   Category: Funny

If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.
Lily Tomlin   Category: Government

No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

Remember we're all in this alone.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
Lily Tomlin   Category: Success

The best mind-altering drug is the truth.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

The problem with winning the rat race is you're still a rat.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

The road to success is always under construction.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
Lily Tomlin   Category: Society

There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

We are all in this together, by ourselves.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

We're all in this alone.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

What if it's boring - or if it's not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

What is reality, anyway? Just a collective hunch.
Lily Tomlin   Category:

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?
Lily Tomlin   Category:

Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
Lily Tomlin   Category: