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Lenny Bruce quotes (18)

A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.
Lenny Bruce   Category:

Communism is like one big phone company.
Lenny Bruce   Category:

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
Lenny Bruce   Category:

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.
Lenny Bruce   Category:

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.
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I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.
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If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
Lenny Bruce   Category: Religion

If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.
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In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.
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Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
Lenny Bruce   Category: Funny

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.
Lenny Bruce   Category:

The "what should be" never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no "what should be," there is only what is.
Lenny Bruce   Category:

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.
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The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.
Lenny Bruce   Category:

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.
Lenny Bruce   Category:

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.
Lenny Bruce   Category:

There are never enough I Love You's.
Lenny Bruce   Category:

When you're eight years old nothing is your business.
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