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George Burns quotes (40)

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
George Burns   Category:

At my age flowers scare me.
George Burns   Category:

Be quick to learn and wise to know.
George Burns   Category:

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
George Burns   Category: Money

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.
George Burns   Category:

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
George Burns   Category:

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
George Burns   Category: Funny

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
George Burns   Category:

How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.
George Burns   Category:

How can I die? I'm booked.
George Burns   Category:

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
George Burns   Category:

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.
George Burns   Category:

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.
George Burns   Category:

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
George Burns   Category: Success

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.
George Burns   Category:

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
George Burns   Category:

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
George Burns   Category: Funny

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
George Burns   Category:

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
George Burns   Category:

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
George Burns   Category:

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.
George Burns   Category:

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.
George Burns   Category:

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
George Burns   Category:

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
George Burns   Category:

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns   Category:

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
George Burns   Category:

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
George Burns   Category:

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.
George Burns   Category:

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
George Burns   Category:

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
George Burns   Category:

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
George Burns   Category:

The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
George Burns   Category:

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
George Burns   Category:

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
George Burns   Category:

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
George Burns   Category:

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
George Burns   Category:

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
George Burns   Category: Funny

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
George Burns   Category: Age

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
George Burns   Category:

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.
George Burns   Category: